Still Searching

This past week has been pretty hectic, which would explain the lack of posts recently. As a result of my involvement in numerous student organizations on campus and my classes' workloads, at times I was lucky just to enjoy a few moments to myself. It seems to be a reoccurring trend throughout my life: show enthusiasm for helping out, then watch my time evaporate. While I do not mind participating in efforts to improve the university, be it through activism or serving as a student representative to the administration, I have grown increasingly weary. To attend several meetings a week and maintain the image of the "non-traditional khaagid (Egyptian slang for "foreigner")" is extremely taxing and leaves me thoroughly exhausted when the weekends come. In many ways this situation reminds me of experiences back home, in any setting imaginable: church, Boy Scouts, workplaces, etc. Perhaps I put more pressure on myself than others do, well, yes, I know I do that already - it is what drives me. At some times I have wished to curse God for creating me in such a way, where I feel like I can never truly relax and accept medicrocy. However, I recognize that the fact that I do care so much about living life to the fullest always sets me apart from not only my peers, but also a great deal of adults. Yes, it may be naive of me to state this, but I perceive many people letting others direct their life choices and burdening them with regrets. I cannot point to a single text or person who has led me to this observation; rather it is the culmination of life experiences, of both the physical and spiritual sorts.

Speaking of spirituality, in addition to a busy week of meetings and courses, my mind has been wracked by a crisis of sorts. Living in a predominately Muslim country, studying Islam, and having numerous Muslim friends, there has been a great deal of pressure on my spiritual outlook since arriving in Egypt. I wish to make it absolutely clear that my friends have not made any attempts to convert me, so please do not assume what I am about to discuss was forced upon me. If anything, they have encouraged me to do as much thinking and research as I can before deciding on a religious path. As I have alluded to in previous posts, I had been questioning my faith in Christianity prior to even considering study abroad in Egypt. In actuality, my spiritual search had evolved over the course of my years spent at Ursinus, where I was exposed to new philosophical ideologies and presented with challenges to my faith. The way in which these challenges manifested themselves varied greatly, ranging from in-class debates to being out at parties and confronted with decisions about alcohol, sex, you fill in the blank. Then with coming to Cairo I really began to question whether my Christian upbringing was still fulfilling my spiritual needs. And to be honest, while I have decided against conversion, I remain perplexed by certain aspects of Christian doctrine, namely the concept of the Trinity. It is my plan to speak with my minister when I return home and hopefully through this, gain some clarity. While for some people it may be enough to simply accept faith, I must be true to myself and pursue more in depth explanations of theology. If I am to devote myself fully to God and live as he has prescribed, then it is only possible through uncovering the basis for accepted doctrine and understanding it.

Ma'salaama for now,
Andrew

Currently Listening To:
Thursday "As He Climbed the Dark Mountain"

P.S. - The first photo was taken this past Friday in my apartment with my roommates and our friends during the weekly Friday feast. The second photo is from Halloween; my friend Amanda and I went as Mrs. and Mr. Palin.