The Things That Are Usually Hidden

Some say
It's all fate
but I say we control our lives
And if my destiny should out best me then that's fine.
I make believe thrill and apathy co-exist in me fairly equally
The truth is doubts are all I've got to call mine.

-Bayside "Duality"

As it has probably become evident, music is an important part of my life. The lyrics that I have quoted here effectively summarize my thought process as of recent. As ridiculous as it may sound this week has done more to encourage personal reflection than any other portion of my time in Cairo. I know all of this may sound like I am just being overly dramatic, but I believe that each individual can experience moments of great insight at any point in their life. We tend to associate wisdom exclusively with those who have weathered the storm that is life and all of its constantly fluctuating pace. This outlook on our lives simplifies the experiences of younger individuals, who may in fact have had endured more dramatic situations and thus, emerged wise. I do not credit a single incident with initiating my reflections this week, rather there have been several ones that have contributed to a general need to sort through my thoughts.

One of these incidents came in the form of I guess what you might label as separation anxiety. I usually do not elaborate about my relationships with others on here because I find too many people maintaining blogs whine about insignificant problems already. Sparing you all of the details I will briefly explain how particular loved ones' words, or in this case lack of, can effectively bring me to my knees so to speak. Each of us have people in our lives like this, whether it is a beloved, friend, or mentor. For me at the present time it is my family and girlfriend; both are able to relate in a way that cannot be shut out. While I had expected some homesickness and the anxiety that arises from it, I did not account for the degree in which they were affect me. Yes, I have had some amazing experiences since being here and I have no regrets about coming here, as evident by my past posts and pictures. At the same time there has been a constant tugging at my heart for being home. Initially it was the sound of loved ones' voices on the other side of the Atlantic that hurt most and caused me to long for home. Now that I have settled into a new life here that is relaxed in comparison to home I become uneasy at times because loved ones cannot relate to what I am experiencing here. It appears that culture shock transcends even e-mails, phone calls, and Facebook messages. I am not blaming anyone for this situation but I ask that individuals be more aware of this cultural disconnect. While I may seem distant or needy, understand that being away this far and long is something to me as well as you, and look inward for strength if need be. Out of the physical separation from loved ones I have done just this, attempting to become more spiritual and an overall better human being through internal reflection. Being here in a society where religion is all around, it is hard not to become inspired by individuals that you encounter daily. This blog could never hold the amount of life experiences I have had these past two months, and more are sure to arise during my last two months in Egypt.

The other event that occured this week that has incited more reflection took place last night. As a member of the Palestinian activist group, al-Quds (Arabic for "Jerusalem"), I had been asked to help usher a concert hosted by the club and the university. Riim Banna, a Palestinian folk singer, performed for nearly an hour and half accompanied by her Ukranian husband on guitar. Her voice was unlike anything I have ever heard before, ranging from angelic to soaring highs. The crowd, which consisted of Palestinian and Arab dignitaries and Cairo's Palestinian population, was filled with energy and Riim played into this during her performance. It reminded me of a modern, evangelical Christian gathering, where people sway back and forth, almost entering a trance state of esctasy. My friends and I raced throughout the crowd stirring people to their feet and clapping to the point of turning our hands strawberry red. Only after being pestered by an AUC faculty member did we stop, but our efforts had already caused the crowd to become so loud that security guards could not stop the energy. Since arriving in Egypt I have become increasingly concerned about the current political situation in Israel and the Occupied Territories, specifically the displacement of Palestinian citizens. AUC has a large number of students from both Gaza and the West Bank, some of which are my closest friends here, and talking with them has changed my mind about the Arab-Israeli conflict. To hear personal stories from them about being evicted from their homes by the Israeli military and wondering if they would arrive at school without being hurt has had a lasting impact on me. I had previously empathized more with Israel as the victim of Arab and Iranian harassment, but now my opinion has become more balanced. Judging by the pictures, documentaries, and experiences I have encountered the situation in Palestine is nothing short of a human rights' disaster. And what most people do not seem to comprehend in the US is that Palestinians are not only Muslims, but also Christians. It is apalling that the US media portrays Palestine as nothing but a haven for terrorists; if you met my friends you would find they are just like us in their desire for self-improvement and security. Like the Israelis who persecute them, many Palestinians have been forced into a diaspora of sorts, fleeing to Jordan, Egypt, Europe, and the US. It seems so ironic. Inshallah (Arabic for "God willing") I will be traveling to the Holy Land for a week in December to visit Jerusalem and the West Bank. I do not know what exactly to expect but I know it will be life changing.

Currently listening to:
The Appleseed Cast "Sunlight Ascending"